3/7/25- Thank you for your kindness.
It’s 7:29 on Friday. Everyone is still sleeping. My plan is to let everyone sleep all day if they want to. I think the only reason I got out of bed is because of a kind note that a friend (thank you, Emily) took the time to write to me. I am crying quietly. Okay, actually I’m quietly sobbing at our saloon table. It was such a kind and thoughtful note….so so soooo (!) kind….I was so touched…
Kindness. People’s kindness has been unbelievably moving during this tough time. I am consistently awed and floored by the kindness and compassion and grace people have shown to us. (Sheesh, now I am really thinking about it and now I’m really sobbing—I’m a mess! A big ‘ole grateful mess right now!) People have really come out of the woodwork to care for us and show us support. In this exact moment, I’m feeling guilty for not having reached back out with proper thank yous. I will get there. And, luckily, I know that these people have showed us kindness without any thought of return benefit for themselves other than the simple satisfaction of knowing that they have improved our lives. Because of this ridiculous blog, I have heard from people I have not heard from in YEARS.
Gosh, I have so many thoughts right now. I never know where these blog posts are going to go and this one will likely be a real ride. Buckle up, my friends!
Oy, where to go with this? Kindness thoughts? Thank you thoughts? Woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach thoughts? There’s a directional choice to be made here. Stop feeding the bad wolf, Holl. Feed the good wolf… Okay….we’ll acknowledge the bad wolf (disappointment and feeling sorry for myself and my family) and then we’ll feed the good wolf (the astonishing kindness and care of friends, family and strangers).
Friends, I looked back at the blog this morning. My first entry was on Feb 8th. *chuckle* I could have written a small encyclopedia on the frustrations that came in the months prior to that. It was as if one day God/The Universe said “let’s flip the switch on the Swifts and help them quickly find their breaking point.” (Full disclosure: In the months before that, life was crazy, but the switch was luckily flipped the other way and many times I was awestruck with the thought of “I have no idea how that major puzzle piece just fell into place, but man, I am grateful….!”) I have a note on my phone from Feb 5th with a list of all (?) of the craziness that occurred in the few months prior. Today, in some way, I want to honor and acknowledge all of that disappointment with the hopes of stopping that flow of “BLECH!” energy and move forward without all of that emotional baggage. I feel some sort of ritualistic ceremony brewing in my head and heart. Sage? I would suggest some sort of “write it down and burn it” ritual but I learned the other day that there are horrible wildfires right now in the Carolinas and the last thing I want to do is contribute to that problem. (We saw some smoke when we were leaving Myrtle Beach last week but I had no idea of the extent of it…) Anyway, I may write the list out here at some point. If I tried to sum up those months prior to our departure from St. Louis….hmmm…I would say that 1) in the grand scheme of life and what is actually important, nothing bad happened. 2) If there were an award for racking up the most annoying trivial things that will get under your skin and drive you absolutely mad, I think we would have been in the running for a prize. I can’t count the number of people who said “you can’t make this stuff up” to us during those months. A therapist said to me “I hope you’re writing all of this down because this is unbelievable.”
Yes. Yes it was. This feels like a good segue to kindness. (PS – I had to look that up. Spelling lesson of the day: “segway” is the personal transportation device. “Segue” does not look like it is pronounced like that. But it is. I digress.)
Kindness…. Friends, we been shown extraordinary kindness and care in the last few months from all of you. I could feel it in each of those individual moments of receipt, but now that I’m reflecting on it as a whole, it is nothing short of profound.
Kindness has been extended to us by people who you would suspect….like my parents. From generous offers of financial assistance to their willingness to let us stay with them over the holidays when we were absolute messes in every way possible and their constant willingness to lend safe, supportive, empathic listening ears and wisdom….thank you. To my brother and my nephew for their kind forgiveness when I hung up on them when I set the fire alarm off for a third time (yup, cooking the same meal. I’m an amazing chef. Steve has lost at least 10 pounds.) when I was trying to cook sausages on the stove because it was too cold to grill them (and let’s face it, the grill is probably broken)…thank you. To all of our close friends who have listened to (and even supportingly encouraged) rants on the phone, on Marco Polo, etc. To patient bosses and co-workers. Those are the people we are so blessed to consistently have in our lives and, truthfully, we count on them for kindness and care. And they have consistently showed up in big ways and never let us down. Thank you.
And then….there is the rest of the world. The good people who are kind and caring just because….well, it’s kindness and that’s how we should do life and treat each other. As Brené says “we are wired for connection” and I will tell you that all of these miles away in this tiny floating vessel we are definitely feeling the love. A few of the MANY examples that have blown me away:
My friend and former boss from over 20 YEARS ago (!) who I haven’t spoken to since 2002 (?) and had/has a big impact on my life (preparation, action, reflection, celebration)—she reached out and sent money to the kids for their ice cream fund. I melted into tears when I saw that. Thank you, Michelle!
My friend Kerry who I haven’t talked to in forever called out of the blue to commiserate about boat life. Years ago, she had an opportunity to sail around the world with someone and she hopped off the boat several months into the trip and I thought she was nuts. Talk about karma! She called to give me a chance to laugh and vent and understand on the deepest level by saying “Holl, I would eat OUT OF MY HANDS (!!!) just to not dirty another dish! I get it! You can call me! You can vent to me!” Love you, Kerry.
My friend Laura who offered her Airbnb (which is gorgeous by the way—if you ever need an AirBnB in Charleston let me know) and a chance to vent and relax in Charleston when we get there….
And then there are our new friends, our boat neighbor friends—we met them two weeks ago: Claire and John and their dog, Bailey. (Kim and John, yes, this makes us laugh) who have become the closest thing to family that we have here. They are SUCH a gift! Within my first three minutes (MINUTES!) of meeting Claire in the laundry room, she offered me her car (we have since been offered two other cars by strangers at this marina alone—boat people are amazing). Last night, she and her visiting friend, Gwen, sent me back to our boat with a small arsenal of sleeping aids for Steve, new clothes, a game for the kids, a beer and a lot of hugs. They are Godsends. As anxious as we are to get going, there will undoubtedly be more tears when we leave them.
And then….AND THEN (!!!!!)………..all of YOU (!) who have sent cards and packages for Addie. What?!?!? I have no words. There are no words. I randomly posted something on FB a few weeks ago asking for people to send cards to Addie for her birthday. I thought maybe we would get a few. Maaaaaybe.
Well…….Steve recently came back to the boat the other day with a hefty stack of cards. Wow. I felt so much love in that moment, my friends. The tears welled up and I had to sit down to absorb all of it. I know that Addie will be just as overcome with emotion and love when we surprise her with them on the 16th. I’m so grateful to you. Thank you.
*sigh* There are too many people to list and I hesitate to even mention names because I don’t want anyone to feel like their kindness hasn’t been felt and acknowledged. Please know that all of us are eternally grateful to all of you for the care and empathy you have shown us in all of the different ways. In this personal rough time for our family and in this much wider time of pain and hardship for our world (and I’ll leave it at that), to tangibly see and feel and touch the power of love and kindness has been a tremendous and unexpected gift.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m inexpressibly ready to get to warmer weather, but I suppose that at least one of the simple lessons we are to learn/remember from this time is that people care. People really do care. And…kindness matters and makes a REAL difference. I was motivated to get out of bed this morning and write this because of Emily’s email.
So….please keep it coming. And by that I don’t mean please keep specifically being nice to our family (although please don’t start being mean to us 😊) but I mean, please keep being kind—to friends AND strangers. If you’re wondering if your actions, your smiles, your notes your “thank yous” make a difference, I can personally attest that they most certainly do. It is now 2:09PM on Friday and I can tell you that that one note from this morning turned the entire day around for all four of us today. That note picked me up and because of that I was able to pick up Steve and we were able to pick up our kids. Team Swift is bouncing back and we have some fun ideas for later today to help us acknowledge and move through our disappointment. The ripple effect is, indeed, working. We are smiling again. If you have an opportunity to be kind to someone today, please take that opportunity. With that in mind, I’ll leave you with a story/challenge:
My dad (one of the kindest people on this planet—ask anyone who knows him) has this embarrassing-because-he’s-my-dad but incredibly powerful and endearing thing that he does all the time at restaurants (well, various versions of this everywhere, not just restaurants, actually). At every meal out, without fail, he will call the server over and, with the utmost respect and sincerity, he will ask the server to “please thank the people in the back who prepared this meal for us.” The servers have a variety of reactions but most are initially shocked and ultimately touched by his honest gratitude (and I imagine the people in the kitchens are, too).
My dad has had a saying that he has regularly said for as long as I can remember. It was always just a Dad-ism, something weird that Dad said until Rish, a good friend of Steve’s, met my dad at our wedding and made a big deal out of it, adopting this saying as his own. Whenever we talk to Rish, he always passes along a “hello” to my family and reminds us that he uses this phrase, my dad’s phrase, regularly. We told Dad years ago that his saying has “gone global.” He just smiled shyly.
“Thank you for your kindness.”
Thank you for your kindness, family and friends. Please continue to spread this powerful kindness. Call it the Ratkewicz (pronounced “RA-ko-wits”) challenge. We’ll do the same on our end. Promise.
*****
PPS – For the record, my mom is also unearthly kind. She just doesn’t have the weird sayings and customs that my dad has so she doesn’t get as much credit. 😊
PS – Adam, thanks for the chat this morning. Love you. I will take the photo you sent (below) and its license plate as a sign that Phase 2 of our adventure is about to start! WE ARE READY!
Adam saw this and took a photo. Thanks, Adam! (Although now that I’m looking at it….I’m hoping this was standstill traffic…? ;-)