3/6/25- Disappointment

It’s 8:02PM on Thursday.

Disappointment.  The tough thing about disappointment is that there is no way around it.  You can’t put on a happy face or joke your way through it.  It will always be waiting for you when you’re done trying to avoid it.

We are all disappointed, again, today.  It is out of our hands and yet it feels so deeply personal.  Things are in perspective.  We know it could be worse.  But….we are all just down.  We went out for a walk and ended up at our favorite ice cream place—“Haven”—for some ice cream/wine/beer in an attempt to lift our spirits. 

“Haven” has been just that for us. Thank you, Haven.

There was a trio playing fun music from the 1960s and it picked us up for a while.  I was proud of us, rallying after yet another (!) rough day.  And then, one stupid thing happened that’s not even worth mentioning.  It was something that wouldn’t have even hit the radar on a normal day, but instead, the kids went from joking around one minute to being upset with each other the next.  Nothing is left in our buckets.  I finished my wine and we left, walking in almost silence all the way home.

*sigh*

I had asked Addie when things were still a bit upbeat about what would make her have a good birthday this year.  We may very well still be in Southport for it.  Or maybe we’ll be in transit.  She smiled and said that being in the Bahamas would be a great birthday gift.  But then her smile turned to quiet tears as she thought about it more seriously.  She misses her friends and wants to be with them.  Of course she does. 

It sucks looking into your children’s eyes knowing that they are deeply sad and disappointed and there’s nothing you can do other than hold their hands and give them a hug and physically be present to witness their sadness and let them know that it’s okay to be sad and disappointed.  I hate it.  Steve hates it.  We are gutted. 

He and I talked briefly when we got back—is there anything we should be doing differently in this moment?  Should we sell the boat right now?  Should we fly to St. Louis?  Should we rent a car and try to meet up with friends for Spring Break?  We want to take action!  Fix this!  Not feel these negative feelings anymore!

And yet, we keep coming back to the unbelievably irritating logical thought that staying the course still seems to be the “best” course of action at this point.  We want to be ready to move the boat south, whenever that is.  Ugh!  This limbo is so hard.  Could be fixed tomorrow.  Could be two weeks from now.  Could be……….who knows?  Can’t plan birthdays, can’t plan grocery shopping trips and meals, can’t plan…..….anything.  We’re just stuck in Dr. Suess’s The Waiting Place. Ugh!

Someday soon I hope to write some joyful words on this blog.  Perhaps there is some Schadenfreude happening, some humor that is coming out of our experiences.  I really hope so.

Okay, time to have a super easy dinner.  And then attack the mountain of dishes that have somehow piled up today. And then escape with a movie. 

At least we are together. Onwards.