4/20/25 - Dancing with Layla

Happy Easter, friends.  It’s the season of new life, renewal.  Hope.  Life after death.

It’s 2:57AM and I’m on the night watch. I want to tell you about what has happened on my watch tonight.  But, you need a bit of context first.

This morning (now yesterday), there was a moment when I was driving out of Charleston when I shed a tear and quietly uttered the words “I just don’t see how this is going to work” into the air in front of my family.  I actually said those very words outloud.  Ugh.  I won’t go into the details but I will tell you it was one of those very minor but major moments.  Kinda like the moment my 4th grade brother matter-of-factly said to my mom “yeah, sure, I like the cowboy boots but I’m not going to get on a horse” when we were weeks away from a long-planned dude ranch vacation where we would be on a horse every day. (PS – Best family vacation ever and yes, he got on that horse and loved it).

I tell you this because I’m realizing—over and over—that we’re all still adjusting. 

Ha.  So obvious, right?  Of course we’re still adjusting!  We’ve had almost five months of setbacks.  Of course we’re not going to bounce back and be euphoric and enjoy boat life in our first few days at sea.  But, as my therapist said to me with a smile many months ago (it was a very “oh young grasshopper”-esque moment) “you just want it all right now, don’t you, Holly?”

Yes.  Yes I do. 

I want it all for the people I love. Addie and Sid at sunset taking selfies.

*sigh* And I forget that about myself sometimes.  My impatience.  Luckily my husband typically fills that gap with his patience and his slow-moving style.  The yin to my yang.  Example: Tonight around 11:00PM, he said to me “are you ready to talk about what happened during undocking or do you want to wait?”

Sheesh--that happened almost 12 hours earlier!  Talk about patience!  “Steve…truthfully, I forgot about it already.  I’m not mad at you and I wasn’t mad at you at all.  I was just disappointed in myself that I didn’t turn the wheel enough.  Given everything else that was happening, I’m glad you jumped in.”  Done.  Conversation over.  Good job, Steve.  Ten points for your patience.

Steve and I on watch. (Or should it be “Steve and me”) Hmm….

For the record, the undocking moment when I didn’t turn the wheel enough (and, trust me, that dock was coming back around on our portside quite quickly!) was not what set me off.  It was something else entirely (code word: sunscreen) and yet in this moment I’m now realizing that there was a series of events that likely led up to my “I just don’t see how this is going to work” utterance. 

My shoe drying out after getting caught on ropes, etc. and falling into the water just before we undocked. Steve hit the ground FAST to save it! Thanks, Steve!

My point: I typically react quickly.  Many times too quickly.  Others take longer and it is unrealistic for me to expect the four of us to suddenly be happily in the swing of boat life.  Period.

Now that you have that backdrop of my “it’s not going to work,” comment, I’d like to remind you that it’s Easter.  New life.  New beginnings.  Hope.

I dunno what happened, friends.  I woke up at 1:45AM to get myself ready.  I came upstairs to the cockpit and switched over with Steve.  It was DAAAARK (“DAAAARK” = 8 out of 10 dark with 10 being the darkest).  No moon.  Some clouds.  I was groggy.

But I brought headphones with me tonight.  And so I started making a “Night Watch” playlist:

Southern Cross (obviously) – Crosby, Stills and Nash

Night Moves – Bob Seger

Moondance – Van Morisson

Moon River – Andy Williams

Night Fever – Bee Gees

That was the start.  I was sitting back in the cockpit, those tunes loud in my ears over the background din of the engine (engine check: 199—oh yeah!).  Bob Seger’s soft guitar faded back in after the break—ba da da dom boom.  I love that part.  And then I saw her.  The moon.  She was rising, pale orange and hiding just behind some scattered gray line-layered clouds.  Felt like seeing an old friend.  Always so good to see her.    

Moonrise. Light rising out of darkness.

I looked up at the stars.  Moon River came on—one of my grandma’s favorite songs.  Andy and his choir alive in my ears.  The mainsail silently, brilliantly doing its thing.  The engine……engine-ing.  Cool wind on my face, the rest of me warm and toasty in my jacket and jeans.  The gentle back-and-forth, up-and-down rocking of the calm, constant waves.  The reflection of the moon stretching out all the way from the horizon right to Layla and me.

My happy moment.

It was beautiful….a real moment.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  What was this…?  Happiness…? 

A realization: I’m….…enjoying this. 

Real and deep enjoyment in this very present, right-now moment.  Gosh, it has been so long since I felt this way….

I looked at Layla in front of me.  The way she was moving—and you can laugh at me all you want—she was dancing.  A slow sway.  She was loving it.  I was sure of it. 

She was happy.  I was happy.

**pause for a big, deep cleansing breath of dark and salty night ocean air**  Ahhhhhhhh….

So then it was a party—a Girls’ Night!  Layla, the moon and me.  And we danced. 😊

*chuckle* And by “we danced” I don’t mean metaphorically.  I mean that quite literally.  When Night Fever came on, I actually stood up and was full on dancing (Ooo! Dancing with Myself - Billy Idol!) in the cockpit, lifting my clip-on leash high in my left hand to give me room.  If anyone had seen me, I’m sure I looked like a total fool.  But I didn’t care.  No one saw me.  Just the moon and Layla.

Happy Easter, my dear friends.  I hope this Easter season brings you unparalleled hope and happiness and love, regardless of your religion or beliefs.  I hope you find peace and the new life after death you seek, whatever that means for you.

PS – I would love your help with the “Night Watch” playlist.  I’m looking for songs about nighttime, the moon, the ocean or just generally upbeat songs that make you want to move.  While I’ve come up with a few more songs (Only the Ocean – Jack Johnson (slow version), Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival, Dancing with Myself – Billy Idol) I would really love YOUR thoughts. That way, your spirit will be here with me/us when I’m/we’re on watch.  Please put your song in the “Comments” section below.  (C’mon!  Don’t be shy!)  Also, if you feel comfortable, please include your relationship to me/my family as well as your city.  And if someone else has already listed the song(s) you wanted to recommend, LIST THAT SONG(S) AGAIN (!) and know that YOU have a fun new connection with that person who you may not know (but who is CLEARLY AWESOME (!) because that person is connected to our family 😊).  Together, we’ll build community (my gosh, we could ALL use some community right now, right??!? Let’s do this!!!!) through a global “Night Watch” playlist!  FRIENDS, PLEASE MAKE YOURSELVES KNOWN!  WE LOVE YOU!  I’ll post the full playlist in a future post.  Thanks in advance and big, obnoxious hugs to all of you!  I’m so excited about this!